u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
