I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
