We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
