i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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