I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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