i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
