After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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