Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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