I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
