I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
