what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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