I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
