didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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