But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
