good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
