If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
