I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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