the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
