The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
