You smell like stripper and shame
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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