So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
