Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
