I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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