You can't motorboat a personality
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
