Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
