Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
