i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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