alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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