I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
