I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
