Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
