I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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