A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
