Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
