i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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