apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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