If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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