It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
