So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
