this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
