So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
