It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
