New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
