i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
