Can Purell be used as lube?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
