the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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