I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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