Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
