Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
