your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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