I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
