the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
