I need help removing her.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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