Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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