Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
