So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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