just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm at about main and main street
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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